Funny, Rude Astrology
Aries
My dear Aries I do hate to deflate your already massive ego, but it
seems the stars have a special plan for you. The plan involves exhibitionism,
so don’t become too sheepish. Run naked!
Taurus
Trust in the stars these coming months my bovine friend.You may want
to charge head first into success, but in the end you will find your
success is just more bullshit. MOOOO!!
My dear Aries I do hate to deflate your already massive ego, but it
seems the stars have a special plan for you. The plan involves exhibitionism,
so don’t become too sheepish. Run naked!
Taurus
Trust in the stars these coming months my bovine friend.You may want
to charge head first into success, but in the end you will find your
success is just more bullshit. MOOOO!!
Gemini
There are so many awesome things that come in pairs; shoes,speakers,and comedy acts. For
you my dear Gemini, in these coming months you will resemble a very odd pair. Something
like a two headed snake fighting over its own prey. May the best head
win!
Leo
Retract those claws and calm those paws, my pretty little kitties.These
coming months are the time in which your mighty roar might just come
out a mite hair ball. Meow.
Virgo
Dear Virgo I think it's time the virgin lost their V-card. If it's
anything like my first time then watch out. This will be just one of
the many disappointing choices you will make in these coming months. Have
fun, wrap it up!
Libra
Dear Libra if the next few months are a mountain, then you will find
at the top the popularity you so often long for. The down side is at
the top is a sharp lonely cliff. “Sometimes you get what you
need”-Rolling Stones
Scorpio
Uhhh.. turns out the stars say that you're pretty much F#@KED!The
upside; to you female Scorpios there is a 95% chance that somewhere in
the coming months you will have a period.
Sagittarius
Your aloof nature will be key for your survival in the coming months.
As all the bombs blow up around you, you will be Helen Keller in
the melee.
like a two headed snake fighting over its own prey. May the best head
win!
Leo
Retract those claws and calm those paws, my pretty little kitties.These
coming months are the time in which your mighty roar might just come
out a mite hair ball. Meow.
Virgo
Dear Virgo I think it's time the virgin lost their V-card. If it's
anything like my first time then watch out. This will be just one of
the many disappointing choices you will make in these coming months. Have
fun, wrap it up!
Libra
Dear Libra if the next few months are a mountain, then you will find
at the top the popularity you so often long for. The down side is at
the top is a sharp lonely cliff. “Sometimes you get what you
need”-Rolling Stones
Scorpio
Uhhh.. turns out the stars say that you're pretty much F#@KED!The
upside; to you female Scorpios there is a 95% chance that somewhere in
the coming months you will have a period.
Sagittarius
Your aloof nature will be key for your survival in the coming months.
As all the bombs blow up around you, you will be Helen Keller in
the melee.
Capricorn
Ah yes my aquatic goat friend. In the months ahead you may need to
channel the energies of other such freakish animals as the
platypus, or the blue-footed booby. Get weird!
Aquarius
These next few months should be a bit more rocky for you Aquarius. So
don’t worry about going with the flow so much. It's my advice that you
spike the water jug because you're gonna need it. Bottoms up.
Pisces
This month you will be a real fish out of water. Enjoy the alienation
for the presents of haters is also the presence of greatness.
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